All the evil of this world

(It's been ages since I did this so there's probably a bunch of mistakes here and there)

"_____, ______, ____"
My consciousness was being severed.
Just 100 meters was turning into a length that felt like it would take an eternity to cross.
"_____, _____, _____"
It's only a matter of time before the cavern would cave in.

The ceiling collapsed chunk by chunk. The wasteland that had been the ground was turning into a pile of rubble.

"_____, ______, _____"
My joints feel stiff.
It hurts to move my limbs.
I'd stop breathing if I relaxed. So, being prepared to thrust a knife in my throat, I finally took a few breaths.

I was willing to suffer that much because a person can't move without oxygen.
But, maybe, given the way how I am now, I could move even without oxygen. Maybe I'd stop moving if I was filled with oxyg-

"____, _____, ____"
...It's hot.
A few hundred blades are growing from within my body.
Like an unavoidable death sentence by impalement.
My body is made of swords.
But, I had already known that.

Just like ___ said.
Once I trace, a time bomb would be set off.
That's why this was inevitable.

"______, ______, _____"
...My legs are heavy.
...I don't know what I'm doing.
My heart feels like it would shatter from pain, stress, and emptiness.
But I only have to put up with this for just a little bit longer.
Once that thing's gone, all of this will end.
There's nobody stopping me.
There's nobody left to stop me.
And yet.
"Ha....ah..."
A shadow wavered.
In front of the crater called the Greater Holy Grail, stood _____, illuminated by the dark crimson flame.

"....Kotomine Kirei."

"Indeed. It seems that we both managed to barely survive, Emiya Shiroh," he said with a voice full of powerful intent.
In this lifeless world, that man stood in my way, as if it were destined.

"...What do you think you're doing? It's a little too late for you to save the day."
I won't ask him how he survived.
That man's body is dead.
A body that felt void of Od.
A black stain lay where his heart is.
....A flame fading away, like a sandglass turned over, just like me.
I can't hear the beating of his heart.
That man didn't have long to live.
This wasn't a guess, this was a conclusion.
Kotomine Kirei, no matter what he does, will die in a few minutes.

"Don't ask what you should already know. I have just one objective: to let this curse be born."

"....What do you mean? You don't have the ability to do that. That thing won't listen to you."

"Of course. I cannot control it nor do I have any intention of doing so. I told you before.
That I would bless that which will be born. Right now, it is trying to do that. Thus, isn't it only natural that I would protect it from those that would prevent its birth?"

"...Are you nuts Kotomine? What kind of nonsense are you sputtering out with that
dying body of yours? And even if you do manage to, you're still going to..."

"And you will as well. Both of us have gone mad a long time ago. Once we fulfill
our objectives, both of us will share the same fate. Either you will destroy it or I will protect it. Regardless of who succeeds, neither of us will live to obtain the fruits of our actions. You came this far knowing quite well that this would happen.
...This is a meaningless conflict. The moment we decided to take part in it, neither of us could be considered sane."

"..."

...Kotomine won't budge.

As long as he's here, I can't even try to use my last trace. Tracing takes time.
Once I leave myself open, he'd smash my skull before I create Saber's sword.

"...Why? Why are you going this far to protect it? Once this thing gets loose, you won't gain anything out of it. But why?"

Why, why go as far as the brink of death, to embrace "all the evils of the world"?

"I have no reason. This is the only thing that gives me pleasure. Emiya Shiroh. Just as you feel pleasure at the happiness of others, I only feel joy at the suffering of others."

"..."

"And why do you insist on killing it? Is it not arrogance to judge a thing to be evil before it is born? If something wishes to be born, is it not an act of love to help it hatch?"

"What does love have to do with your twisted logic? That thing has already killed hordes of people. I can't let it get out as it is."

"Really. Then allow me to ask you this. Just what do you consider good and evil? Do you really think that killing a person is the ultimate act of evil?"

"...I..."
...There was no way I could answer that.
After all that I had done, I had no sense of right and wrong.
When I decided that I would save Sakura, I abandoned the justice that Emiya Shiroh had believed in.

"...That is good enough. There wasn't an answer in the first place. Humans are those sort of creatures. We make use of a fluctuating truth instead of a definite answer. We have never had any connection to the truth. Man possesses both the ability to do good and the ability to do evil, but what is done is ultimately up to the individual. All things start from scratch, thus that which is not yet born is without sin. I thought I taught you that."

"...Right. A baby is without sin, even if it is a demon."

"Yes. Once one is born, he will lean towards either good or evil based on what he was learned. According to one scripture, man is superior to angels. Why? Because, despite having knowledge of what evil is, there are those that don't embrace evil. Angels, on the other hand, were born knowing only of good. Because man lives righteously while possessing the ability to do evil, they are superior to angels who only know of good."

"...Yes. A person so wretched as to induce vomiting, may show signs of good intent out of amusement. A saint that saved many lives, may on a whim have the urge to indulge in evil. This paradox, the presence of compatible good and evil intention is what makes humans as they are. Living is a sin and punishment comes with living. Life is virtuous and life is evil. Thus..."

"One cannot question whether that which has yet to be born is guilty of sin.
There is nothing without a purpose; there is nothing that is born evil.
Until the moment it is born, there is no reason for it be punished."
That was the answer the priest named Kotomine gave.

He was seriously....trying to forgive "all the evil of the world", the enemy of mankind, for that reason?

"....And that's why you're willing to forgive it? This thing existed to kill people from the get-go. If we know that many people will die once it gets out, then there's no question about it being evil as far as we're concerned...!"

"Indeed. Its very existence is pure evil. After all, it was created to be that way. It is different from man. This is a god of absolute evil, willed to existence by man.
Yet, even if its actions are evil, neither of us know what it thinks of itself."

"Eh...?"

What it...what Angra Mainyu thinks of itself?

"Correct. Does "all the evil of the world" grieve over its actions as "evil", or does it laugh them off as a acts of "good". That is something that we cannot determine."

"If it has a mind similar to that of a human being and it disdains it's existence, then it would be evil. But if it has no doubts about it's own existence, then it is good. After all, man desired it to be that way. If it has no misgivings about it's own functions, then it cannot be considered evil."

"What?"

"Yes. An incomplete creation at birth. Something that no human being had ever wanted. That creature would show me the meaning of that kind of birth, the worth behind the existence of a worthless being."

"Once there is nothing left, once everything is gone, can that single remaining existence forgive itself? I want an answer to that question. Is it sinful for something that is isolated from the world to continue to live as it is? To find an answer to that question I killed your father and saved Matoh Sakura. I am unable to produce an answer by myself. That's why I desired the creation of something that would give me one."

"...That is my objective, Emiya Shiroh. A wish of the same kind, yet the polar opposite of one such as you who has no selfish desires."

"..."
...I can't understand him.
What this man wants, what this man was looking for is too alien to me.
...That's why, I only understood one thing.
To do that, he used Sakura.
"You used Sakura. You used Sakura to do that?"
I focused my hazy field of vision and glared at the priest with all the hatred I could muster.

"Yes, to do that, I killed many people. Thus it's too late for me to back off now.
I told you before. This is the way I lived. I lived just to rid myself of these doubts.
That is something that won't change, not even in the face of death," that dying body replied adamantly, without averting his eyes even faintly.

"..."
Words of pride.
One who spoke as if it was obvious that he had no regrets, that he wasn't wrong.

"...I get it."
And then, I understood.
I didn't get along with that man. Since the first time I met him, I was repulsed by him, unable to acknowledge him.
...Now I understood why.
I don't want to admit it but it looks like I really did like Kotomine Kirei.
I desperately tried to be hostile towards him, so that I could deny it, so I could be unaware of it until the very end.
He said that we were similar to each other.
Now I understood why.
Both of us considered ourselves to be sinners.
To be freed from those bonds, we dedicated ourselves to one way of living.
...Being fully aware that we were still damned, we believed that was the correct way for atoning for our sins, and continued searching for that unobtainable salvation.

"...So you're not going to get out of the way."
If he is the same as I am, he wouldn't.
He wasn't trying to actualize his desires because he was near death.
...Yeah. He wasn't defending his beliefs because this was the last time he could.
This is the way he lived his life.
Up until now, he hadn't lived any other way.
That's why, even if he would die a minute later, he didn't know of any other correct way of living.

"...Hmph. If I were to be honest, this would also be a way of releasing all my anger.
I didn't think it was possible, but once I came here I finally realized."
He began moving towards me.
Neither of us had much time left to move.
That's why we were going to settle this as quickly as possible.
Before we died, we were going to extinguish each other's lives.

"...I was envious of you. No matter how hard I looked for it I couldn't achieve it. Despite gaining it, I couldn't have it. No matter what morals I followed, countless globs of sediment poured out from between my fingers."

"What you felt to be happiness..."

"And now, I am going to focus myself on erasing that frustration."

"...felt nothing like happiness to me."

...Yeah. This man, who couldn't obtain anything no matter what he did, was empty.
He couldn't find one bit of happiness no matter how much he searched for it.
All he had gained from that was a life of carrying death.
Then, how could he let go of the only thing he found?
"...Really. Sorry for wasting your time, Kotomine."
I resumed breathing.
Pumping air into my lungs, I readied my body for combat.

"I don't care. I'm not the only one who doesn't have much time left."
There was energy hidden inside Kotomine's body.
This wouldn't turn into a battle of sorcery.
Both of our bodies are dead.
The one thing we could do is pound our fists against each other.
What remained wasn't technique or strategy. This was a fist fight to crush the last thing we had left, our lives.
He will kill me and see to it that his wish is granted.
I will defeat him and shatter his wish.
Both of our lives are on the line.
Before my time comes, I'll defeat him and wipe out that shadow.